…They”re Just the Lid on the Septic Tank.You read that right. Those of you that are unlucky enough to work for a larger company that operates a Human Resources Department, might be curious about the headline. I” m here to enlighten you to another perspective regarding the “Nazis of political correctness” in your HR office. It’’s the view from way above the icky, dirty world called -gasp!-…..operations! That would be you and me. We”re considered to be a bunch of moron local yokels, sloth-like in our reactions to their needs, incompetent at our jobs, uneducated, and all of us either fighting or sleeping with each other. The only good thing coming out of this cesspool is the customer’’s money. I”m sure that most of you were led to believe that the HR Dept. exists as an actual resource for the employees and managers, that their main functions were being the “keepers of the training standards”, the policy definitions experts, the benefits administrators and paperwork shufflers. Some of us even think that they are there as a means to ensure that they are treated fairly by their managers – a kind of “principal’’s office” for the adult-mentality-impaired. In fact, most Human Resource employees often believe this too. Morons. Some of them even have college degrees that convince them that they are specialists at this. Fools. They do not, and cannot “make a difference”, as most of them give us as a reason for them choosing this field. They are merely a buffer zone to keep the issues of the septic tank from stinking up the Country Club. Vice Presidents, Board Chairpersons, Owners and Stockholders don”t want to even come close to dealing with our problems, concerns or ideas. We seem to have been looking at these do-gooders from the wrong direction. Do you really think that the corporate bigwigs ( that term had to come out of the middle ages ) and boardroom stockholder types care if you are eligible for medical insurance yet? Or are taking your vacation before the deadline? Or believe that your manager spoke to you in an inappropriate manner? Right.  BTW, how many HR people could get through a day without using the word “inappropriate”? Few, I would venture to guess. Not by chance, it’’s also the most often used term of those who presume to dictate what is politically correct, or not. I despise anything that’’s PC. The department serves to keep us drones from being a problem that the folks upstairs will hear about, to be a DMZ from the wretches that they must employ to scrape trash cans, clean toilets, clear tables and sling hash. “Our most valuable asset is our people!” they exclaim. What a load of crap. The most valuable assets are, well, the assets, the property. Property is easily controlled and insured. You and me are not. They should really be called the “Lawsuit Prevention Department”. Why do you think they have the company attorneys on speed dial? Whatever it takes to keep us away from potential stock purchasers, analysts and other investors is what they are there for. Whatever it takes to keep a lid on it. TIP for dealing with the HR Dept.: The first person to advise them of a “situation”, wins. It’’s just that simple. Whoever tells them their side of the story before the other party involved, is presumed righteous. This rule applies, ohhhhh, I”d say 80% of the time – right or wrong. The reason? They all view us as redheaded stepchildren (maybe so, in a lot of cases…) that just cannot play well with each other. They view themselves as a cross between educated, parent-like problem-solving King Solomon, and S.W.A.T. team hostage negotiators. The outcome of any conflict can be foretold by which side’’s story holds the least chance of a lawsuit against the company. If you tell mommy first, it is presumed that you believe that you are right, and therefore, principled and correct. Whoever doesn’t tell mommy first, doesn’t recognize their supreme authority to settle disputes, and, consequently, must presumed ignorant of who has the power in this company, and just have to be hiding something.\n

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